What Could've Been
by yamihawkeye
Summary: Post Collision. Jack reflects on Kate and Ana Lucia. Skate and angsting Jate and Jana.


**Title:** What Could've Been  
**Genre:** Romance/Angst  
**Summary:** Post Collision. Jack reflects on Kate and Ana Lucia.  
**Rating:** T. Mild swearing fand mentions of contemplated suicide- rated to be safe.  
**Parings:** Skate and angsting Jate and Jana.  
**POV:** Jack's

A/N: An idea of a romance between Jack/Ana-Lucia began to form in my mind as watched The Other 48 Days. And we must admit- it would work. However, I'm in flat-out denail of Skate or Jana. JATE all the way! SANA too! Ana Lucia/Saywer is awesome- both are kick a characters with tempers. Ana Lucia is also one of my favortie characters. When she shot Shannon my next words were- NOOOO! YOU BETRAYED ME!

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**What Could've Been**

It hurt me to watch. I wonder if she knew the pain in my eyes meant as I watched her cradle his head, whispering comfortingly in his ear, stroking his head and kissing it gently. She saw me grow quiet; my eyes probably looked as if the life was sucked out of me. I was already lost on this goddamned island, and in that moment I slipped deeper into the heart of the dark jungle. I lied and told her that I knew the mothering thing, that they didn't teach us it at the hospital. I meant to imply that I was jealous of her skills, but I'm not sure if she believed me. Kate was never one to be taken in by lies.

So many emotions swirled around in my head at that moment to form heartbreak. Jealously, anger, devastation, sadness, and many countless others so mixed I cannot name them. I think I have been able to pick one out though- relief. I was relieved that Kate was relieved. If she wasn't with me, Sawyer had better make her happy. I sort of wish I'm the one lying on the bed. I wish I was the one shot and close to death. I'm curious, would Kate do the same for me if I was the injured? Even if she didn't, I would rather be dying that alive, watching the scene play over and over in my mind like it keeps doing. My mind has become a broken record. I wish I could just stop it all, take the needle off the groove and die. Some part of me wants to play hero, requiring me to keep on living, to protect the woman I'll never have.

Love bites. I've heard the phrase before- even had a demonstration first hand. Sarah… Kate… Ana Lucia. Love always crumbles- or the loved one is destroyed with me. If there truly was a God, fair and caring as everyone says, wouldn't He have let me love someone by now? I should use that argument with Locke, sometime- shut him up. But he would probably just shake his head and blame it on Fate. I can hear him now, "That's Fate, Jack. Life can be unfair, but that's just the way it's supposed to be." I have something for you, damn it! Screw Fate, I live life, I make my own choices… some just… don't have happy endings.

If anyone read my thoughts right now, they'd probably wonder who Sarah was, but they wouldn't care. If they pried, they would find that Sarah was my wife, like Desmond did. But they wouldn't pry, she was someone outside of the island, she didn't matter. Kate, I'm sure some could have guessed, say Locke, Hurley, and Charlie more specifically. But Ana-Lucia, that would stump them all, just like my reaction to her name did when we Mr. Echo told us about their group. I met her before the plane ride, before this whole mess began. She told me the worst of it was over. It hurt, but was comforting when I looked into her dark, smiling eyes. There was a spark of… something? I was, I admit eager to see her again, to see how much she had changed. When I did see her, the world seemed to stop. She had changed, and drastically so. Her brown orbs no longer portrayed kindness. Instead they had been hardened, visibly haunted. I stared at her as she stared back. At that moment I knew it. We could never be together. Sure, we probably would connect on a deeper level than anyone else ever could, but there would be no real love. My love still stands with Kate- what's left over from Sarah anyway. There was none left for her, her changed self. Only reflections on what could've been.

Maybe Locke's right, maybe Fate exists. Maybe I'm not meant to live in love forever

_END_


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